The Quick Fix: New Release List (May 11-17)

Billy Owens & The Secret of the Runes or The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens - whichever way you find this title on some obscure shelf keep walking. Even if you find yourself in love with the aspect of seeing "Rawdy" Roddy Piper using his 'fantastic' acting ability again, do not rent this - instead rewatch They Live for the notorious twenty minute fight scene with Keith David.

Forget it unless your a film school student, because this is a perfect example to show that not everyone can make a film.

Daria: The Complete Animated Series - has finally been released. I haven't seen this show since high school when it was more relevant to my life, but if my nostalgic feelings are correct it was remarkable.

Get it

Daybreakers - has all of the elements of a great vampire film, yet remains lackadaisical in every aspect. The Spierig Brothers came on the scene with 2003's Undead which marked them as the new creative sibling team. They produced Undead semi-independently and rendered all of the effects with laptops taking days to complete one single shot. Their perseverance is no where to be seen in this one. The story of Daybreakers is interesting - everyone is a vampire so thus blood is running low and when they become cannibalistic a new creature emerges. One scientist is driven to create the perfect synthetic blood a 'true blood,' but realizes there is a cure and attempts to show the world with disastrous results. As I said, great story, but realized into a 98 minute film doesn't seem to work. Ethan Hawke, Sam Neill, and Willem Dafoe can't even save this one.

Forget it

Edge of Darkness - Mel Gibson returns to what he's good at: bloody revenge. In this rather complex revenge story Gibson plays a cop whose daughter is murdered and as he investigates he ultimately realizes he didn't know his daughter at all. This is pretty fast paced, semi-original, and wonderfully bloody.

Get it

Legend of the Tsunami Warrior - Soldiers, kings, queens and princesses band together to save their land from the Black Raven Pirates. This Thai fantasy tale incorporates great sets, beautiful cinematography, lower to mid grade special effects, interesting plotline, and gobs of action. A fun foreign Pirates Of The Caribbean.

Get it

Legion - "When the last angel falls, the fight for mankind begins." Okay, so an epic battle to save mankind from God - got it, I'm following along. So an angel falls, that must be Archangel Michael (Bettney) and he is supposed to help humanity defeat the angels sent from God. One lone fallen angel fighting a heaven full of angels, sounds like this Archangel is Satan trying to save the human race. See, this is too complicated and way too biblical and probably to no avail. Does it end with God's faith in man restored? I'll never know, nor will care.

Forget it

Malice in Wonderland - I'm a sucker for a variation on the Alice tale and with Tim Burton's uneven retelling arriving on DVD in June this 2009 film finally finds a spot on rental/retail shelves. Alice is a law student hit by a cab driven by Whitey, she awakes in wonderland with Whitey as her guide through the scummy underworld to find out who she is and how to get back to her world. Along the way she encounters odd and perverse characters and finds romance. This all sounds rather interesting if you like Alice.

Get it

The Mini - In this indie comedy originality bleeds into cliche quickly. A futon salesmen wants to be promoted to mattress salesman - because there's real money to be made in mattresses. The problem is a bully at work currently has the position so they fight it out in a mini-marathon of futon vs. mattress. This could be interesting if the main plotline didn't involve gearing up for the big race and an underdog's transformation toward winner.

Forget it

North Face - Here's the winner this week. This is the ultimate rock climber film, more so than Touching The Void or Cliffhanger. Set in the thirties as Nazi's tried to prove to the world they were better at everything and thus two German climbers set to tackle the north side of Eiger - considered to be "the last remaining problem in the alps." This film is unsettling and brilliant with terrifying suspense at every moment.

Get it

Play the Game - A light comedy with Andy Griffith playing a widower trying to learn how to pick up women with the help of his grandson.

Get it

Westbrick Murders - ultimately a failure of a film, but it tries so hard to emulate cool. There's animation, great tracking shots, cool sets - and if you held The Spirit and Westbrick Murders in your hand you would have to choose Westbrick, but the actors don't live up to the attempted coolness of the film's style.

Forget it

editorial note: last week I gave Hellbinders a Get it rating, and I'm humble enough to admit when I'm wrong - Forget Hellbinders.

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