The Quick Fix: New Release List (May 4-10)

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Here's the CineNiche get it or forget it list:

NINE - is finally here, not that terribly under-existential animated film, but the overly existential re-imagining, re-configuration, re(make) of Frederico Fellini's 1960 classic 8 1/2 staring Daniel Day Lewis. Now if you haven't seen the original you'll be pretty lost in a sea of uncaring at this unspectacular musical. There are a lot of pretty ladies here, Penelope Cruz being by far her most tittilating. Lewis is a great lead too, so what's the problem? This film lacks in creativity. I loved Rob Marshall's CHICAGO - the sets, costumes, dances, camera work, theatrics - but here its just boring. At times it can be a decent companion piece to 8 1/2, but overall it's a question as to why re-invent a film about not being able to create a new film - oh that's right I think I just answered it.

GET IT (after seeing 8 1/2, otherwise FORGET IT)

TETRO - So it's Francis Ford Coppola's first original script since THE CONVERSATION, that's a good thing. Vincent Gallo is his star, also a good thing. A few more good things to add to the list: shot on widescreen digital in black and white (so no studio interference), it's a personal work, and considered by Coppola to be his most beautiful film. Notice how there's no summation of a plot here, well that's because plot is incidental when it comes to a Coppola film - either it's going to be terrible or brilliant and I have to lean on the side of brilliant.

GET IT

TOOTH FAIRY - Dwayne 'the rock' Johnson is back and who cares. Kids even know how terrible this one is, but I'm sure a few parents will pick this up expecting them to love it, to which the kid will have to reply: Are you f***ing serious!

FORGET IT

LEAP YEAR - Why have you done this to yourself Amy Adams, why? Here's a deal, if you find yourself compelled to pick up this trite romantic comedy with a who cares plot, make sure you've seen JUNEBUG - that's all I'm saying.

FORGET IT

COLD STORAGE - I guess this was originally made in 2006, since I don't see a more current one on IMDB. If so, then by the user reviews there it says "different." So, this "different" kind of horror film or i'm sorry Thriller doesn't feature a teenage kill list, or a masked killer, but odd occurrences that could happen. Or this could all mean that it was shot on terrible definition digital with a cast that couldn't act out a scene from even a Russ Meyer film if their lives depended on it with Tom Savinini's school rejects doing blood effects with stage makeup and plaster of paris. Who knows? Probably worth a twenty minute/first act test screening if you like horror.

GET IT

THE DUKES - So the tittular characters here were a Doo Wop group back in the day, but now their broke so they pull a heist. Yeah, I don't think so. Peter Bogdanovich is in this as their manager, but Chazz Palminteri as our lead?

FORGET IT

FALLEN - A miniseries from ABC Family.

FORGET IT

FLICKA 2 - Kids love horses, that is this film's demographic. For me: I'm not a kid in love with horses.

FORGET IT

PREACHER'S KID - Kids of preachers, that is this film's demographic. For me: I'm not the kid of a preacher and I don't like preachers. Seriously, this film will try to be spiritually uplifting after a series of minor conflicts and everyone will cry and come together for peace love and family. I personally watch Shogun Assassins for that.

FORGET IT

HELLBINDERS - A demon fighting tale with some martial arts, could be entertaining. The ultimate battle taking place between an elite squad of demon hunters and the devil himself. This overseas film could deliver - worth a look.

GET IT

VIRTUALITY - Maybe this is a long shot, but I think this one is about virtual reality. It's written by some of the staff of Battlestar Gallactica (which though I've never seen, stand behind as a great drama with wonderful character development) The premise is great: on a ten year mission members of the crew use virtual reality to pass the time and reduce stress until a glitch makes them all believe a killer is among them. Worth a try.

GET IT

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